December

Seeing these situations, never thought there was one day I'd experience the same. Dad's in the hospital as I am typing this.
I don't even know if I should be blogging for the world to see, but I am tired of keeping everything inside.
Yesterday, I cried so hard that my eyes swelled & my double eyelids disappeared.
It just felt like everything inside had finally taken its' toil on me, I was so tired of wearing a mask for the world to see.
Pretending to smile when I am crying, pretending to be happy when I am sad.
I guess it really does feel better to let the tears flow, even if my eyelids disappeared for awhile.

Daddy just underwent an operation today, and when I saw him just now he was still nauseous from the anesthetic.
Not a good feeling watching your own kin retching his contents out, and he's barely had anything to eat today as he had to have an empty stomach for the anesthetic.
Anyhow.. Still have to wait for Doctor's instructions tomorrow. DADDY, FIGHTING!!

Since I decided to update this space more: Here are pictures from my Kuala Lumpur trip in November (I know, I know. Pictures from my Hong Kong/Batam/Bintan/Sunway Lagoon Trip are not even up yet)


Relative's house there. No lift, it was the stairs for us everyday. It reminded me of old-styled HDB flats in Singapore.




Almost everytime I take a picture with Mummy her eyes are closed/she's not smiling.


Moment we stepped into Genting it started getting reaaaally misty, and rained.




Gorgeous view from this temple on the way down from Genting. Clean, crisp mountain air.




Mom always does these weird poses.




The last day we had dinner at this street hawker place. Happiest day for me: since we were headed home.
To be honest, I've went to Malaysia so many times this year it's not very exciting for me anymore. This trip was my third time; and relatives always bring us to the same places.


Will do a backlog travel next time! Now.. I need to sleep. Tomorrow's hospital time again.
I love you daddy, get well soon

Crazy Shopaholic #2

I think I've kinda went a lil bit crazy on shopping this month (Under the excuse of buying for Lunar New Year ahem)


Holga lenses for DSLR: Got these even though I've got a Holga, think it'll be pretty interesting.
$44 (for the coloured ones) from Spreehouse (But spree has ended as of now)


ASOS Square Skinny Sleeve Top: Received this last week, but colour is more grey then expected. Pffft.


Dotted Flare Skirt: I really like the 60s vibe it gives out.
Orange Shirtdress: Wearing this for Lunar New Year since it suits the mood heh


I'm still apprehensive about wearing the backless dress out though I've paid for it. HAHA





My crazy obsession with lingerie ahem. Apart from these I've also bought (*cough7cough*) pairs of brassiere. I know, I know. I probably don't have so much boobs but: just couldn't resist!

Also not forgetting for the boys :)


All from ASOS: Since the free shipping promo still stands, might as well right? :D


Plus these few lacquers! I've always had this thing for foil/glitter polishes.
Skycrapper, Teenage Dream, Muppets Minis' - all from OPI.

I really, really need a seperate bank account for my non-existent savings.

好想你

"我喜欢你 叫我的名字
一副若无其事的 又像公开的密秘
好几次我怕会来不及 还没抱够你"

Jolin Tsai - 好想你.

An apology may mean nothing, it still has to be said regardless.
Everytime I make you sad, I feel like I've done something bad because you don't deserve this at all.
Funny how fate works, because a few years back, I would have never imagined myself in this situation.
Never say never, huh?

I miss you like how you're missing me.
It feels right when I am in your arms, when you're whispering things in my ear.
If I drop everything and go now.. What will happen?
I'm just scared wondering how long it'll last. You're right about one thing: I can never know the true thoughts of a man's mind.

By the way.. I got a pay raise. Woohoo?

Bintan

I can't forget the night the stars filled our sight and the words whispered to me that night, the nights your arms were around me tight.

Bintan is a nice (albeit expensive, since they charge SGD) place to relax and chill out at, but even so, it's the company that matters.
Though we didn't do anything during the 2D1N trip, I've found things that make my heart skip a beat.
I think I'm silly sometimes, always losing myself in my own thoughts.


The hotel we stayed at was Bintan Lagoon Resort: I don't think it was as bad as people make out to be.
Quite clean and friendly staff - proficient in English too. We had problems with our room key, and they replaced a new room for us FOC.


This was our messy room. Not as tiny as I thought, with a balcony out.
(Wifi is like $9.50 an hour though. WTF?)


But abit kenna cheated by the beach, leh. Water not green one :(


This was what we spent most of our time doing. Awesome.


If you were to ask me which night I would remember as the most romantic night - this would be it.

Every night my fingers hover above the button, I'm scared to press it down.
Scared of your rejection, scared of how I'd hurt you, scared.
I miss you, but I'm scared to miss you. I'm not supposed to be missing you.

Cos all it brings is pain. Love is pain.
It is.

Blessed

So. I sprained my ankle while escaping from a cockroach in the middle of the night yesterday.
I know, it's also the most ridiculous story I heard of myself because it totally doesn't makes sense. At all.
(Just so you know: It's bloody disgusting to wake up to a cockroach not 3 inches from your face, then have it clamber down your arm. Of course I jumped outta my bed. And the next thing I knew, P-A-I-N. Lol.)

Anyhow, in light of things, I am feeling vaguely blessed.
One offered to be my lunch delivery guy even when he's really busy (after laughing at my predicament, nonetheless. Thanks Joel.)
One, even though he was tired out by work yesterday, woke up every 15 minutes to massage my ankle (While chiding how careless I was to end up this way. Thanks my boy ♥)
One anxiously scrambled about trying to find home remedies for me (That's my very lovely mom. Love love her ♥)
And one last silly guy cabbed to my house, in the middle of the night no less, just to see how I was after he heard the news. (I don't deserve it, but thank you for your concern, L :)

I've always thought to myself that I've gathered some pretty good karma my past life, which is why I'm able to meet all these nice people my current life.
These people who love me, care for me, shower me with concern, as much as I do them. It feels nice to have your care replicated back to you, sometimes.

There's a saying which only after this incident that I found true: You realize your good fortune only after your misfortune befalls. :)


Here's to hoping my ankle gets better by Monday! :)

Smile, Liping!

Alot of thoughts running amok in my head recently. (Wait. I think thoughts always run amok inside my mind. Anyway...)
Twitter has had me thinking more than I should lately. What I want, what I need, what I seek.
Alot of crazy decisions and random musings and what not, not sure if that's a good thing.

I've always been one to let my heart lead my mind, and I'm glad (I think.) I stopped my last rash decision get too far.
It was a mistake that I let the feelings carry too far, and inside my heart, and fell for him..
Everyone thought it was a mistake. You don't know him enough, they said.
So? Isn't a relationship about getting to know one another on a deeper scale?
I stopped myself not because I didn't know him enough. I didn't let it stop me when I first knew J, why should I let it stop me again?
I only stopped myself because I was scare of the consequences this decision would incur. He's already been hurt enough, why should I let him be hurt anymore than he has?
I broke his heart, I'm sorry about that. But me acting indifferent does not mean I do not care.
Sometimes I just hope he can tell me some things, and not carry everything on his own. But then again, why should he do so now that I've broken his heart. Lol...

If anyone has to be hurt, I'd rather it be me than anyone else. I can't stand anyone else getting more hurt than they already have, they don't deserve it. I do.

@Onewlicia: To be indifferent doesn't mean unfeeling, sometimes it is just a tool to avoid being hurt.

@ZodiacFacts: #ZodiacFacts As a #Cancer,You let your heart rule your head, and you can have trouble making rational, detached decisions.

@ZodiacFacts: #ZodiacFacts As a #Cancer,you may have a habit of hiding your true feelings and strong emotions under a rather hard shell.

@Onewlicia: 面对一些令巨蟹介意 不开心的事时 巨蟹表面风平浪静好像没有什么 可事后巨蟹一定在某个角落暗暗咒骂 甚至后悔自己怎么没有表露出来 这就是巨蟹 冰冷的外壳 伪装得好像什么事都影响不了它 可实际都暗暗藏在心里 愤怒的 难过的 伤心的 。
When faced with unhappiness, Cancers tend to act like everything is fine on the surface, but inside, a turmoil of emotions always occur. This is how a Cancer's shell works: Acting like nothing can ever affect them, hiding everything in their heart; angry, sad, hurtful..

@ChineseLQuotes: 每当你说“没事”的时候，心里或多或少都藏着点事。
Everytime you say you're okay, there's bound to be something not okay inside.

@stanlee1992: 我对你还是有那种感觉，比普通朋友还要好。

I've always acted like I was indifferent to everything, and so far no one has managed to read inside me.
One of my ex mentioned that my mind was one with a locked door: If I didn't want anyone to understand me, they would never have the key to go inside my mind to see my true thoughts. He's right about that.
Min said I'm like Meile in Love keeps going; always so obeying to others and doing what the other half wishes. I think that's right too, haha.
Whatever the other half wishes, I'll try as much as I can to give. It's hard for me not to commit 100% into a relationship.
Zhi once mentioned to me, asking me not to give too much to myself when with another man.
But how do I do that? Once I'm in, I'm in a 100%. Same for friendships.
If they need me now, I'll go over regardless..
And maybe that's why I'm always blurring boundaries between me and guys.

I'm trying to maintain the border, but since the line has blurred, it's difficult.
Ah, fuck. Decisions, decisions. Please make the right one, and stop hurting people.


If you know me long enough: I love taking pictures of beautiful skies to set as my wallpaper.
Seeing such beautiful views calm me, somehow.


A picture Greg took of me the last time we had dinner together, it was a birthday treat from him for me. Miss hanging out with them, these guys. At least I'm going to Sunway Lagoon with Chong this October, the rest of them abandoned the plan. :(


I secretly like that I have random mood-swings, at least it doesn't take me much to be crying one minute and laughing to the next.


I want to be happy, and I firmly believe I will be. Smile, Liping!

Intuition

I knew this all along.
I knew that whichever way I walked, whatever choice I made, I was bound to have regrets, and I was right.

I'm sorry I hurt him, I'm sorry I broke his heart, I'm sorry even if he never ever sees this.
I know I shouldn't regret my actions. I'll just have to toughen up and make do with things, regardless of how they turn out.

Ah, such a cryptic post today, huh? What a post to mark the revamp of my blog.

"Where's the 'Good', in Goodbye?"

#Cancer

I didn't realize in a span of a single day, so many things would happen and things would have changed that much.
It's kinda weird.. But in a weird sorta way, I asked for it.
I keep recalling this particular tweet I saw:

RT: @ZodiacFacts: As a #Cancer,don't Get too affectionate too quickly. Use your intuition to read his or her signals. And keep a safe and respectful distance.

I guess I failed in that aspect, & grew too close.
I was always craving for attention, and when I got it - it's not what I want.
Zhizhi told me, this year I've actually got 桃花运 (Translated literally, it's Peach Blossom, but actually refers to Love Luck in Mandarin.)
Just that, it's all bad ones. (*sweat) I don't really think they're bad ones, but just not suited for me I suppose?
One's married, the other's leaving soon. Who are they to leave me any promises?

I've always thought I was a stubborn woman. Funny how that seems so easily rebutted by Zhizhi.
I've never had a friend like her before, who challenges all my thoughts and actions.
It's interesting, and I kinda love her for it. Slowly but surely, it's like she's peeling me off layer by layer, and showing the real me out. I like it.
She says, I shouldn't be so tender-hearted. I always thought I wasn't.. But I realize words tend to sway me easily.
Funny how that happens so easily these days.

Ah, this week's been so long. I'm glad it's over, and my trip couldn't have been at a better timing!
Oh, I also got myself a Sony TX-5. HEHEHE.


Touchscreen, Scratch-Proof, Freeze-Proof, and BEST. OF. ALL - WATERPROOF HAHAHA


I have to say - the first time I was really fucking apprehensive dropping it into the water k!
(Imagine the first time you drop it in and you ruin it utterly lol)
(If you're wondering, this is a supposedly artistic picture of me dropping the camera into a pail and then shaking it.)


I pretty like the TX-5 outta water, to be honest. It does tend to over-saturate pictures abit, but it's handy enough. This was a great day and we were outdoors playing badminton! (To sustain my ongoing diet wtf)


Superly loves her, I think she brings out the maternal side in me, to be honest. I super love it when she lets me carry her up and she hugs me awwww :)
(Everytime Boyf carries her she smacks him on the face HAHAHAHA)


A big, cheery picture to end this post. I think I'm happier after ranting, I think I know what I want.
Oh well - a full day tomorrow: Kbox with Grandma & Shimin, Chinatown, dinner with colleagues AND Transformers at midnight with Boyf!
Sounds super awesome, don't you think? HEHEHE

June 25th

Today marks the 10th death anniversary of my Grandfather. Has it really been that long?

I don't have much memories of him, but he took care of me from a very young age, with my grandmother, when Mom was working in a factory then.
He always sat in that rocking chair of his, & till this day, Grandma still keeps it well.
I know Grandma misses him alot these years. She's always whining about how Granddad doesn't visit her in her dreams.
He loved watching action movies - he always got agitated watching them. I think the phrase 'Sitting on the edge on your seat' really applied for him.
Still remember, at his funeral - when I saw him lying there, and he looked just the same as he ever were, just paler. Somehow I can't get it out of my head.
There's this particular memory I have etched inside my head of me, Grandma & Grandpa laughing & having fun. I always recall that memory first whenever I think of Grandpa.
It makes me smile, and it makes me sad.
He doted on me. I believe I was his & Grandma's favourite grandchild. I still do.

Grandpa, how are you up there? I hope you're having fun.
Don't worry, I'll use all the love you've doted on me on Grandma. I'm not gonna let her be lonely. Love you, Grandpa.


Simplest things are hardest to achieve. Don't you think? (Link: 43 things)

Flawed

越喜欢一个人 越愿意找到优点 越讨厌 越容易看到缺点
The more you like someone, the more you're willing to conceal his flaws.
The more you dislike someone, the more you're willing to expose his flaws.

My heart wants to take the lead but my mind is foolishly frightened.
What do you want, Liping?