Saturday, August 27, 2011

Smile, Liping!

Alot of thoughts running amok in my head recently. (Wait. I think thoughts always run amok inside my mind. Anyway...)
Twitter has had me thinking more than I should lately. What I want, what I need, what I seek.
Alot of crazy decisions and random musings and what not, not sure if that's a good thing.

I've always been one to let my heart lead my mind, and I'm glad (I think.) I stopped my last rash decision get too far.
It was a mistake that I let the feelings carry too far, and inside my heart, and fell for him..
Everyone thought it was a mistake. You don't know him enough, they said.
So? Isn't a relationship about getting to know one another on a deeper scale?
I stopped myself not because I didn't know him enough. I didn't let it stop me when I first knew J, why should I let it stop me again?
I only stopped myself because I was scare of the consequences this decision would incur. He's already been hurt enough, why should I let him be hurt anymore than he has?
I broke his heart, I'm sorry about that. But me acting indifferent does not mean I do not care.
Sometimes I just hope he can tell me some things, and not carry everything on his own. But then again, why should he do so now that I've broken his heart. Lol...

If anyone has to be hurt, I'd rather it be me than anyone else. I can't stand anyone else getting more hurt than they already have, they don't deserve it. I do.

@Onewlicia: To be indifferent doesn't mean unfeeling, sometimes it is just a tool to avoid being hurt.

@ZodiacFacts: #ZodiacFacts As a #Cancer,You let your heart rule your head, and you can have trouble making rational, detached decisions.

@ZodiacFacts: #ZodiacFacts As a #Cancer,you may have a habit of hiding your true feelings and strong emotions under a rather hard shell.

@Onewlicia: 面对一些令巨蟹介意 不开心的事时 巨蟹表面风平浪静好像没有什么 可事后巨蟹一定在某个角落暗暗咒骂 甚至后悔自己怎么没有表露出来 这就是巨蟹 冰冷的外壳 伪装得好像什么事都影响不了它 可实际都暗暗藏在心里 愤怒的 难过的 伤心的 。
When faced with unhappiness, Cancers tend to act like everything is fine on the surface, but inside, a turmoil of emotions always occur. This is how a Cancer's shell works: Acting like nothing can ever affect them, hiding everything in their heart; angry, sad, hurtful..

@ChineseLQuotes: 每当你说“没事”的时候,心里或多或少都藏着点事。
Everytime you say you're okay, there's bound to be something not okay inside.

@stanlee1992: 我对你还是有那种感觉,比普通朋友还要好。

I've always acted like I was indifferent to everything, and so far no one has managed to read inside me.
One of my ex mentioned that my mind was one with a locked door: If I didn't want anyone to understand me, they would never have the key to go inside my mind to see my true thoughts. He's right about that.
Min said I'm like Meile in Love keeps going; always so obeying to others and doing what the other half wishes. I think that's right too, haha.
Whatever the other half wishes, I'll try as much as I can to give. It's hard for me not to commit 100% into a relationship.
Zhi once mentioned to me, asking me not to give too much to myself when with another man.
But how do I do that? Once I'm in, I'm in a 100%. Same for friendships.
If they need me now, I'll go over regardless..
And maybe that's why I'm always blurring boundaries between me and guys.

I'm trying to maintain the border, but since the line has blurred, it's difficult.
Ah, fuck. Decisions, decisions. Please make the right one, and stop hurting people.

If you know me long enough: I love taking pictures of beautiful skies to set as my wallpaper.
Seeing such beautiful views calm me, somehow.

A picture Greg took of me the last time we had dinner together, it was a birthday treat from him for me. Miss hanging out with them, these guys. At least I'm going to Sunway Lagoon with Chong this October, the rest of them abandoned the plan. :(

I secretly like that I have random mood-swings, at least it doesn't take me much to be crying one minute and laughing to the next.

I want to be happy, and I firmly believe I will be. Smile, Liping!

Saturday, August 13, 2011


I knew this all along.
I knew that whichever way I walked, whatever choice I made, I was bound to have regrets, and I was right.

I'm sorry I hurt him, I'm sorry I broke his heart, I'm sorry even if he never ever sees this.
I know I shouldn't regret my actions. I'll just have to toughen up and make do with things, regardless of how they turn out.

Ah, such a cryptic post today, huh? What a post to mark the revamp of my blog.

"Where's the 'Good', in Goodbye?"